The insignificance of my worries
by EirianSeren
Summary: Imagine. You have one last chance at proving you are worth something. You are nervous as hell. And you are so nauseous you are afraid you'll vomit once you open your mouth.   Should I even say I was pissed?


Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist doesn't belong to me in any way.

I've always loved to read fanfiction and I realised I'm on here for over two years :D  
After reading fics written by _MayaSushi_, I was extremely inspired to try it myself.

Don't be too hard on me. It's my first piece of fanfiction and english isn't even my native language.  
Well, practise makes perfect, no?

Enjoy!

* * *

I opened my eyes and yawned as I tried to stretch my aching body. It didn't stop the sore feeling. The train was not the favourite place I had ever slept...

After I awoke from catching-up a few moments of sleep, I looked around. The train compartment was as quiet as one would expect on this ungodly hour. I looked at the sky through the window and saw the horizon. It was nearing dawn.

Now where had been logic when I decided to ride this damn long ride? Oh.. Yeah.. My presentation. Yes, yesterday evening had been very stressful indeed.

I had been working my guts out in all my free time the past year to prepare for this day. Now, the only thing I had to do was to show them how much I wanted this.

And there got the anxious feeling again. It had been gone until now..

Everything was planned out perfectly and almost nothing could go wrong. Keyword being_ almost_. I had done presentations like this several times. And blew it several times too. On the last moment, I would get really nervous. Only the fear of becoming a little anxious made me nauseous. This was my last chance.

I took a deep shuddering breath and released it after a while.

Luckily, the compartment was as good as deserted. There was only a handful of other people. I closed my eyes for a few moments. But I couldn't fall asleep. I wished this day was over.

A man, the conductor I guessed, stepped into the compartment. He silently checked the cards of the few passengers. Before he went to the next part of the train, he announced that the train would be delayed a small fifteen minutes.

I swore aloud as the conductor left. I tapped my fingers against the window as I recounted my time schedule. If the train was delayed for fifteen minutes, I had another fifteen minutes to find the right place. I took a deep sigh and tried to stop the feeling of panic from taking over.

One woman, who I guessed was in her high fifties, looked annoyed at me from the other side of the train. I got the hint and stopped the tapping.

The rest of the train ride wasn't very eventful. The train only stopped a few times and my compartment slowly filled with more people as it got later on the day. Arriving in a few minutes, I decided to go over my notes for a last time.

The sound of a talking woman interrupted my thoughts. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but the tone suggested that she was talking to a child. My thoughts were confirmed when I heard a soft high-pitched voice answer the lady. I tried to concentrate again but the quiet dialogue was not quiet enough to shut out and too soft to listen to.

I sighed and put my books away. The talking came from a few benches away. I could only see the face of a little girl. The lady, who I guessed was her mother, sat with her back to me. The girl nodded silently as the short dialogue turned into a monologue of the lady. She seemed to be talking to fill the eery silence between the two.

The girl's blond hair was divided in two cute ponytails. She seemed to be five years or so. She was the cutest thing, but something didn't seem quite right. Her green eyes looked dull and her skin was very pale.  
I shrugged it away and looked at my watch. More important matters were up.

Just a few minutes until we arrived. I picked up my jacket and my bag and got up to make my way to the exit. As I passed the girl and her mother, the talking had seized. I put on my jacket and waited in front of the exit.

These were my last moments of peace. Inhaling deeply, I tried to overcome my nerves as more people joined me and the train slowed down. It didn't help.

The train came to a halt and the doors opened in a slow manner. I was the first to get out. My heart began pumping faster and faster as I got to move. The station was so crowded! I had never been here and searched for the exit, feeling rather panicked.

I saw the little girl from earlier and her mother walk towards a large stream of people. They were all walking slowly through two large doors. I could have known, this was the only exit. I fought the urge to growl out loud and joined in.

I followed the two and got more annoyed with every passing moment. Only ten minutes left.  
'Don't stress out', I repeated in my mind like a mantra. This didn't help either.

I finally got out of the massive building and saw the whole sidewalk was full of people. Just my luck.

It was my first time in Central and I knew it would be crowded, but this was insane! Every single inhabitant of this city must have some weird gathering on this exact same time.

If I weren't in such a hurry, I would have enjoyed the beautiful buildings and the vastness of this place. But I _was_ in a hurry. A big one.

I kept walking behind the woman and her young daughter. The two were silent as they headed the same direction as me.

The mother was pale too, I noticed. Her hair was short, and looked shabby. She must have had a hard time. Just like with the kid, there seemed to be something not right, missing even. I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't really care either.

The people around me pushed. Hard.  
I pushed them back. Hard.

My mind was racing into my impending doom and I began to stress out. The closer I got to my destination, the worse I felt. The big blue letters which spelled the name of the company could be seen from across the street. It made me feel relieved and horrible at the same time.

Five minutes left, my watch told me. It seemed to be laughing at me. Just like everyone around me. Their faces were all filled with the same sick sadistic grin.

I would never make it! What gave these people the right to act like they had all the time in the world and nothing to worry about?

I could get out of the mainstream and moved as fast as I could towards the right building, without looking like a total freak.

The woman and her daughter had struggled through the stream of people and got themselves out as well. They walked next to me.

Next came crossing the road, taking a quick sprint and getting in. A car passed before I could move. I felt more nauseous, if possible. I felt how time ticked by as I waited.

As I wanted to cross, the woman and her daughter moved first. I let them pass and tried to muster up a smile as both looked at me. I failed miserably.  
Instead of going forward, as I expected them to, they walked to the right. I swore on them mentally.

Imagine. You have one last chance at proving you are worth something. If you were to screw this one up, your whole future would be gone. You would spend your days doing a horrible job and you would be cursing this very day.

You are nervous as hell. You are too late. You have forgotten what you were supposed to say first. And next. You feel like you have lain _under_ the train instead of being on it. And you are so nauseous you are afraid you'll vomit once you open your mouth.

Should I even say I was pissed?

As I stopped right in front of the door leading into my destination, I looked one last time at the girl and her mother while they passed me. I finally saw where they were headed and I could feel my heart break.

The little girl turned her head and looked at me as if she could read my mind. Her dull eyes weren't just dull. They were filled with unshed tears. One little tear slipped from her right eye as she looked right through me. What she did next was even more astonishing. She wiped the tear away and _smiled_ at me.

A sincere smile. A smile of a child. One that touches your very heart and warms your soul. It makes you feel unique and just wonderful.

But it burned at the same time. I felt stupid for every time I had been a jerk in my life. Especially after I'd thought these mean thoughts, just because I was in a hurry. It made me feel so insignificant, but of course, I was. I didn't deserve this kind of kindness. This pure smile couldn't be directed to me. And yet it was.

What was I stressing for just now? I couldn't remember. My problems seemed nothing while I looked in her green eyes. She knew what I was thinking, I knew it.

She turned around again and ran up to her mother, who had continued walking without looking up. The girl took her mother's hand. Mother and daughter shared a sad smile and walked towards the cemetery.

I stood there, unmoving. I watched their backs disappear in the distance. Taking a last shuddering breath, I tried to focus on what I was doing. I wiped my watery eyes and pushed the door open.

I was completely calm when I talked to the secretary. As I walked into the doors towards my appointment, only a few thoughts were going through my head.

I know I can do this.

Why was I worrying?

I have no right to worry about this insignificant matter.

This is nothing.

I am going to do this

* * *

A/N

Please tell me you saw the Fullmetal Alchemist reference?

I was inspired to write this after I saw a man with his son riding a bicycle. The boy was crying and screaming and was annoying me, since I was in a very bad mood. Then, the both of them turned right, towards the cemetery. Later, I thought, what if?

This was written so you can imagine yourself experiencing it.

Please review and let me know what you think! I'd really appreciate it.


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